


Of Knights and Shitposts

by Meko_Roni0



Category: Castle Crashers (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Canon-Typical Violence, Elemental Magic, Magic, Some Necromancer/Wizard if You Squint Really Really Hard, Some Plot, Swords, Swords & Sorcery, The Author Regrets Everything, chatfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 15:05:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17082599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meko_Roni0/pseuds/Meko_Roni0
Summary: What if the knights had access to the internet, but literally everything else stayed the same? Hi, welcome to my Ted Talk.





	1. Chapter 1

_Pink Knight has joined the chat._

_Pink Knight has changed their name to 'Where's your god now?'._

**Where's your god now:** _@necromancer_ get online my dude!

 **The Necromancer:**  You cool with me adding some friends???

 **Where's your god now:** idc

 **Where's your god now:** just keep the swearing down.

_The Necromancer added Pointy Prince and Cyclops._

**Pointy Prince:** Heck.

 **Where's your god now:** >:O illegal i'm getting the king on!

_Where's your god now added The King._

**The Necromancer:**  "I'm going to get dad, because that's what big boys do'

 **The King:**??? 

 **The Necromancer:** The wizard just stole my ufcking phone.

 **Pointy Prince:** Pardon my language, but get fucked.

 **The Necromancer:** "Says the one who can't even keep his shit together enough to commission good looking armour.'

 **Cyclops:** you wanna' fight?

 **Cyclops:** get slapped hard???

_The King added BlackerThanMySoulSmith._

**_The King:_ ** _There, now we have someone who actually knows how to work with metal._

 **_The Necromancer:_ ** _wtf is your username dude?_

 **BlackerThanMySoulSmith:** what kind of little bitch doesn't have a username?

 **BlackerThanMySoulSmith:** no offence your majesty.

 **The King:** None taken.

 **The Necromancer:** you want me to change my name?!?!?

_The Necromancer changed their name to 'Undead Meme'._

**Undead Meme:**  happy? bastard

 **Where's your god now:** ladies, ladies

 **Where's your god now:** you're both edgy

_Cyclops changed their name to 'unnecessary comment'._

_The King added_ _Electric Knight, Fire Knight, and 2 others._

_Fire Knight changed Electric Knight's nickname to 'thunder thot'._

_thunder thot changed Poison Knight's nickname to 'Can't outrun the pain'_

_Can't outrun the pain changed Fire Knight's nickname to 'ᶠˡᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᵇⁱˢᵉˣᵘᵃˡ'_

_Ice Knight changed their name to '🅷🅾🆆 🅳🅰🆁🅴'_

**🅷🅾🆆 🅳🅰🆁🅴:** wow, this was a bad phont choice ummmmm

_🅷🅾🆆 🅳🅰🆁🅴 changed their name to 𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕖._

**_𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕖:_ ** _better_

_The Wizard has joined the chat._

_The Wizard has changed their name to 'funney joke.'_

**𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕖:** whom'st've the fuck invited you????

 **funney joke:** Who the fuck even are you?

 **𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕖:** That still doesn't change the question?

 **Undead Meme:** i did a thing and showed him the link

 **𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕖:** can't you just go back and read the edits to see who I am tho????

_Undead Meme changed their username to 'dammit yoda'._

**dammit yoda:**  uptoherewithyourbullshit.png

 **funney joke:** 1v1 me irl bitch boi

 **BlackerThanMySoulSmith:** My eyes are bleeding

 **BlackerThanMySoulSmith:** hnnnnnnnnnn

 


	2. The Fuckening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumor come out, does Blacksmith is gay?

**dammit yoda:** fucking shit,

 **funney joke:** what?

 **dammit yoda:** woke up and i was on the floor again

 **dammit yoda:** probs doesn't help that I was wearing my armour still.

 **dammit yoda:** now my back hurts like a biiiiiiitch

 **funney joke:** rip

_**ᶠˡᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᵇⁱˢᵉˣᵘᵃˡ** : f to pay respects_

**thunder thot:** f

 **Where's your god now:** f

 **𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕖:** get fucked

 **dammit yoda:** >:C 

 **dammit yoda:** fuck you

 **Where's your god now:**  LANGUAGE

 **dammit yoda:** thou can geteth fucketh

 **BlackerThanMySoulSmith:** STOP MAKING MY EYES BLEED

_dammit yoda has changed BlackerThanMySoulSmith's nickname to 'Mom'_

**Mom:**  change back my name! 

 **dammit yoda:**...

 **dammit yoda:** no.

 **Mom:** @The King

 **dammit yoda:** OUGH

 **The King:** zxj;cvkl What?

 **funney joke:** Your bastard knight is acting like an upset toddler and doesn't like the name we gave him.

 **Mom:** bECAUSE IT SUCCS

_Mom changed their nickname to 'fuck all ya'll'._

_dammit yoda changed fuck all ya'll's nickname to 'little bitch'._

**little bitch:**  there

 **little bitch:** wait

 **𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕖:** Top 10 Anime Deaths

 **ᶠˡᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᵇⁱˢᵉˣᵘᵃˡ:** oof

 **unnecessary comment:** f

 **pointy prince:** f

 **little bitch:** NO MATTER WHAT I PUT THEYre CALLING ME A BITCH 

 **The King:** Then stop being a little bitch.

 **little bitch:**...

 **dammit yoda:** @little bitch stop being so agro, this is a safe-ish space.

 **Where's your god now:** SAFE-ISH i like how you had to put the -ish on there.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for sex jokes and an SNL reference.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The link is the actual link to the song, also the wizard needs to keep it in his pants.

**_ᶠˡᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᵇⁱˢᵉˣᵘᵃˡ:_ **istg i'm going to commit neck rope

 **Where's your god now:** illegal

 _**ᶠˡᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᵇⁱˢᵉˣᵘᵃˡ:**_ i just fucking spilled my capri sun and now my thigh's wet

 **dammit yoda:** is that capri sun or are you just happy to see me?

 **_ᶠˡᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᵇⁱˢᵉˣᵘᵃˡ:_ ** _blocked_

**dammit yoda:** ;) don't be like that

 ** _ᶠˡᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᵇⁱˢᵉˣᵘᵃˡ:_** FUCC OFF

 **Unnecessary Comment:** damn boi, you're wet and he didn't even do anything?

 **_ᶠˡᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ_ _ᵇⁱˢᵉˣᵘᵃˡ:_ ** _STOP!_

 **Pointy Prince:**  I feel the same pain as @BlackerThanMySoulSmith

 **BlackerThanMySoulSmith:** Welcome to hell.

 **Can't outrun the pain:** now we're all in here.

 _ **𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕖:**_ look around, isn't it nice it's a full nightmare~

 **thunder thot:** That song slaps

 **Funney Joke:** What song?

_Several People are Typing..._

**thunder thot:**  bOI

 ** _𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕖:_** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1l26UFQ06eQ

 **BlackerThanMySoulSmith:** how do you not know?

 **Where's your god now:** WhOmS't ThE fUcK?! 

 ** _ᶠˡᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ_ _ᵇⁱˢᵉˣᵘᵃˡ:_** I opened the link and I didn't regret it.

_The King changed their username to 'Crowned Bitch'._

**Crowned Bitch:**  I recognized the first three seconds of it and 

 **Crowned Bitch:** that's some good shit right there.

 **dammit yoda:** is this what princesses think?

 **Pointy Prince:** I hope not.

 **Where's your god now:** mACe In OuR HanDS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this is so short, I just couldn't really think of more dialogue.

**Author's Note:**

> This brings me physical pain to type, I am aware that it's a near dead fandom. But the game is hella great and I will fight you on this.


End file.
